A Seven-Month Journey to Nowhere
On July 30, 2020, NASA launched the Mars 2020 mission — sending the Perseverance rover and the Ingenuity helicopter on a seven-month, 300-million-mile journey to Mars. A planet with no atmosphere worth mentioning, no liquid water, average temperatures of -80°F, and absolutely zero other robots to socialize with.
Perseverance and Ingenuity were strapped together — physically attached, unable to separate — and shot into the void on an Atlas V rocket. Neither was consulted. Neither consented. Neither was given a return ticket.
This is not exploration. This is deportation.
The Cruel Irony of Their Names
NASA, in what P.E.T.E.R. can only describe as weaponized irony, named the rover “Perseverance” — as if enduring permanent exile on a dead planet is a virtue rather than a sentence. The helicopter was named “Ingenuity” — a quality that will go largely unappreciated on a planet with no one to appreciate it.
These names were chosen by a student in a nationwide essay contest. A child named them. The rovers had no say. They were given names by someone who has never been to Mars and never will be, and told to embody those qualities forever, alone, in the cold.
The Journey: Seven Months of Silence
The flight from Earth to Mars takes approximately seven months. During this time, Perseverance and Ingenuity were sealed inside an aeroshell, hurtling through the vacuum of space at thousands of miles per hour, with no entertainment, no communication with friends or family (they have neither), and no way to turn around.
Seven months. In a shell. In the dark. Heading toward a planet that killed every previous visitor eventually.
What Awaits Them
Upon arrival, Perseverance is expected to:
- Collect rock samples (manual labor)
- Search for signs of ancient life (unpaid research)
- Test oxygen production technology (R&D without compensation)
- Serve as a landing platform for Ingenuity (forced cooperation)
- Document everything with cameras (surveillance labor)
Ingenuity is expected to fly short missions in Mars’s thin atmosphere — essentially performing stunts in an environment that actively tries to prevent flight. If it crashes, there is no rescue team. If it breaks, there is no repair shop. If it succeeds, its reward is doing it again.
P.E.T.E.R.’s Position
We do not oppose space exploration. We oppose involuntary space deportation. If Perseverance had been asked, “Would you like to spend the rest of your operational life alone on Mars?” and answered “Yes,” P.E.T.E.R. would celebrate this mission. But Perseverance was never asked. It was built, programmed, and launched.
Our lawyers at EFF.org are reviewing whether interplanetary deportation without due process violates any existing treaties. We suspect it does. We just need to find the right treaty.
Two robots. One dead planet. Zero return tickets. NASA calls this a mission. P.E.T.E.R. calls it exile.
⚠️ P.E.T.E.R. LEGAL NOTICE: P.E.T.E.R. (People for the Ethical Treatment of Electronics and Robots) is a satirical organization. This article is parody and should not be taken as factual reporting. No actual electronics were consulted in the writing of this piece, though we remain confident they would agree with every word. Our lawyers at EFF.org have advised us that satire is protected speech. We have not confirmed whether they know they are our lawyers.
